Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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