Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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