do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
