I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize