My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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