did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
