Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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