I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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