for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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