she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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