did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
