Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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