Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
