i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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