Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
