that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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