My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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