ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize