i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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