Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
