is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
