woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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