well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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