Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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