You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
