i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
