Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
