dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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