I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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