I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
