If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
