this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
