Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
