the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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