I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Text me some of your sweat
True college students do jello shots in the library
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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