I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is Oprah even human
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
