i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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