Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
