It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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