shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
