Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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