We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize