Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
