she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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