Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
