So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
