i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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