I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
