my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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