so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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