i need an iv and a liver transplant
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
