He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
