This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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