If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
