So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I AM VODKA MAN
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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