I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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