If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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