did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
