There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
