I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
