I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
