quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
