We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
