Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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