if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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