If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
why is half of my head shaved?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
