I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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