shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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