The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
