i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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