He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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